CUT IT OUT, GOOGLE.

Yeah! I'm talking to you, you self-proclaimed "not evil" multi-billion dollar corporation! I've had enough of your bullshit for one lifetime and it's only been like ten years or something. If I don't get to sleep with your founders through some long con operation (I'll sleep with Mark Zuckerberg instead thank you very much.) then nothing is worth this.

I know that Google can kill me if they felt like it. They have all my searches and all my blogs-posted logged onto a computer in Northern California and I know they have the resources to kill me if they wanted to. Google could kill you if they wanted to as well. Becuase Google has a lot of money and even more influence. But that's not what I want to talk about today.

I would like to preface with the reasons I'm okay with Google. Yes, I use Google's products. Just like Russians in Stalinist Era USSR would buy party approved bread. Out of what's out there (not much) it's the best there is. I would also like to talk about my love/hate relationship with Google Maps. Yes, I hate it when people can see where I live- but I also love seeing where they live. So, these things- Gmail, Google Voice and Google Maps. They're whatever- but we're here to talk about something else. That Google is an evil corporation that wants to exhume your grandmothers body and sell her priceless ruby ring in order to buy the internet.

That's right, people, network neutrality. Do you not know what that is? Well, join the club. From what I gather from Wikipedia and the signs of pathetic looking protesters at Google's evil lair- Network Neutrality is when you can surf the internet and everything comes at you at the same speed. Every website is on the same playing field whether that be Amazon or my Uncle Steve's website on the history of the VCR. This sounds pretty cool, right? Equality for everyone, blah blah blah- it's super American. Opponents of network neutrality want to dissolve all that and begin charging people more to see certain websites faster. For example, Uncle Steve's VCR website would run slower than Amazon because Amazon pays more money to your internet provider. And, your internet provider is charging you more money. Basically, it's evil corporations making the internet into an oligarchy run by Google, Amazon, etc. It also eliminates any sort of equality of the press situation. It wouldn't be fair if the Huffington Post loaded faster than Fox News, now would it? Same with the converse.

So, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Lets think of it this way- you know how Freakazoid was the protector of the internet and made sure all internet villains weren't off reeking havoc/bumming everyone out? Well, Google and Verizon want the FCC to execute Freakazoid. This is a very, very cursory explanation of network neutrality and I suggest doing some research on your own because it's a lot of complicated computer jargon. I wouldn't be surprised if it's this complicated to trick the general public.

Google and Verizon just signed a pact to pretty much take down network neutrality. They want to split the internet into two seperate networks: wireless and landline and THEN impose different rules on them which basically means they can block whatever sites they see fit. It's pretty much against Google's entire "Don't be evil" credo.

I want the internet to be an equal place where all my rants can be followed by whomever at the same speed as Amazon loads. I don't want to be charged extra for every little thing and I don't want Google telling me what I can and can't look at. The internet is fine the way it is- it doesn't need a couple douchey billionaires policing it. So, please, Google, cut it out- you make enough money already without fucking with the entirety of the internet.

This is not something I know much about, admittedly, but it is something that really worries me. And it should worry you too, three person readership. So, go sign some internet petition somewhere- but make sure it's legit, it could really be an anti Ground Zero Mosque petition in disguise, which would make you a douche. Even worse, it could be the government! Oh no! You hate putting your name on government lists? Me too! It could be the Census! No! So, make sure it's for network neutrality and do your best to make sure you don't have to pay more outrageous internet fees than you have to.