Flavored Vodka. Going Too Far?

I've drank flavored vodka before. Don't get me wrong. When I was seventeen years old and was rejected by any member of the opposite sex I could count on a bottle of Green Apple Smirnoff to listen to my problems, understand and really make me feel better. I remember the days of having Missy's blind mom buy us vodka of all flavors. Green Apple, Strawberry, every flavor under the rainbow. I remember the days of proudly emptying half of that Gatorade bottle to pour in a quart of flavored vodka and then going to Government Class. That happened. It happened to everyone.

However, that was high school. Now, it's not okay. If you're not breaking up with your boyfriend because he's a.) Going to the Army, b.) Dropping out of High School or c.) In Love with your Best Friend then you can get away with it. Any other reason you're going to have to drink regular vodka (or alcohol that isn't vodka, this isn't Russia under Yeltsin, folk). However, nobody seems to understand that fact. Maybe it's the Sex in the City movies with their insufferable flavored cocktails or maybe it's just that people have Peter Pan syndrome and refuse to be a part of this evermoving cog we call society. That being said, I felt it imperative to comment on this flavored vodka fiasco.

As someone who lives in New York and regularly rides the subway I've seen several advertisements for Brooklyn Vodka brought to you by a collaboration between Spike Lee and Absolut. Brooklyn Vodka? Last I heard Brooklyn was a place, not a flavor. What will this vodka taste like? The L Train never working? Hipster Noise Shows? The Hasids in Crown Heights? The sweat and tears of Russian immigrants? I'm not sure I want to taste any of those things. Also, Spike Lee made this possible? Is this just because Spike Lee made Do The Right Thing? Does Spike Lee, sit with an appletini in hand and ask himself "If Brooklyn was a vodka what would it taste like?" Was this a passion project for him? Well, I did the research. Brooklyn Vodka tastes like Red Apple tinged with Ginger and according to Absolut "evokes the spice and vibrancy Brooklyn brings to the Big Apple." and gives a hearty nod to Brooklyn with a stoop painted on the bottle. It got one thing right, people definitely day drink in Brooklyn on stoops. But isn't that OE, not vodka? All I know, in the end, is that congratulations world you have yet another flavor of apple vodka to cry over when you fail that six weeks of Algebra 2.

NO: A Haiku

meteor hits earth
hipster pacing in hallway
will sonic youth save you??

A Triumphant Return

OF THE BEST PICTURES YOU WILL EVER SEE.

Thoughts on Megan Fox

The first thing I'd like to say about Megan Fox is that she has horrible, horrible tattoos. Which leads to my first point on Megan Fox- she exhibits a severe lack in judgment. Notice the tattoo below: "there once was a little girl who never knew love until a boy broke her HEART." What this shows to me is not that Megan Fox got her heart broken (probably by failed Beverly Hills 90210 actor, but I'll get to that later) but that she probably was once in a mall in her podunk hometown in Tennessee, walked into a Hot Topic, saw a t-shirt, said "That's a cool quote, I'm going to get it tattooed on my ribcage." and then had then once there, at the tattoo parlor, said "You know what would really be great? Capitalizing the word HEART so they know EXACTLY what I'm talking about."

The second thing I'd like to say about Megan Fox is that for the last six years she has been dating the most annoying person on Earth- David from Beverly Hills 90210. No, not Brandon Walsh or Dylan McKay. Fuck, not even Steve Sanders. David. Piano playing, earring wearing
David. If you don't know anything about Beverly Hills 90210 (which I, uh, don't) read this wikipedia entry for David:

David always wanted to be "in." He and Scott Scanlon spent hours trying to be cool enough, and for David it worked, but Scott was left behind. During his senior year, between taking a double load to graduate with the gang, Donna, being the school DJ, and trying to have a social life, he and Scott grew apart. When Scott accidentally shot himself it was a huge blow for David, and a source of immense guilt at the state the friendship ended in. After his father Mel and Kelly's mom Jackie married and had a child Erin, David was fully part of the gang. But it wasn't enough. Whether it be the college radio station, a music deal, or the Peach Pit After Dark, he tried too hard and tended to push people away whenever he got into trouble. Donna is a perfect example. When he was in serious danger, of all people, Dylan came to his aid. He kicked his drug habit, managed to avoid becoming an alcoholic, but the club did poorly under his management, he did discover he had the same mild form of depression that his mother suffered from and treating that has helped. He is writing songs and his career seems to be on the up and up, but who knows what will happen with his love life. He continued to work for the Peach Pit doing his radio show, after Sofie was Gina, and after Gina was Camille, but in the end, he married Donna. In the new series episode "Okaeri, Donna!" Donna reveals that she and David separated shortly after the birth of her daughter.

That's who Megan Fox is dating. Someone not even good enough for Tori Spelling and the rest of the "gang." But while I'm irritated at Megan Fox for her lack of character, I'm more concerned for her well being. Does Megan know that David has the same mild form of depression his mother had? Does she know he has a daughter or that he's a recovering addict? More importantly does she know that not only does he have one earring, he has three? I really think someone should contact her agent and let her know. Come on, people, be a good Samaritan.

JDATE

I started a Jdate profile to bag any young Jews ready to settle down with a Jew-converted Scientologist-converted Jew on the prowl. I'll give birth in a bathtub without saying a word, I PROMISE. PLEASE IMPREGENATE ME.

Here's my profile:
I'm a laid back Jewish girl who just wants to find love. I enjoy playing on an all women's rugby team. I started out Modern Orthadox, converted to Scientology when I met my asshole (soon to be ex) husband and am now back to being Jewish and ready to get back on the prowl! I'm an Aries and a Taurus but I identify more as an Aries due to my quick-wittedness and daredevil tendencies.

I'm a civil servant and I can't tell you what I do but it has to do with Arabs and I know fourteen languages.

Check me out, my username is soccergirl101

Presidents Drinking Beer

There's nothing that makes me swell with American pride (other than the 2004 film National Treasure) than presidents drinking good old hearty American beer. If it's not American beer they should be dragged into the street and shot though.


Does anybody know the context of this picture? What made that guy pour beer on Nixon's head? Why is Nixon smiling? Where are the Secret Service? Is that guy Secret Service? What was said into that microphone before and after that guy spilled beer on Nixon's head? Why is that guy's head turned 34.6 degrees NW and who is he talking to? Who is he looking at? Is he afraid? Who's looking for him?


Even Barack Obama understands that if you're going to be President- you might as well drink all the time.


I hope after this rousing display of American pride you pop in "Born in the USA" hit repeat and let your patriotism run rampant through the streets.

Pooping On A Date. Acceptable? Or Not?.

I know I'm friends with a lot of young people, and also a lot of old people. This applies to both.

Interesting Political Discussion:

Heads of State I'd Have Sex With:

1. Dmitry Medvedev

2. Boris Tadic

3. Anders Fogh Rasmussen
4. Francois Fillon
5. Stephen Harper

Heads of State I Definitely Wouldn't:
1. acting Polish President Bronislaw Komorowski

2. King Carl XVI Gustaf

3. Giorgio Napolitano
4. Hu Jintao
5. Tarja Halonen

Best Mustache Award: Mahinda Rajapaksa

A Bunch Of Irritated French People

A tennis match at Wimbledon has been going on for two days nine hours now. To see a really homoerotic post about it check out what some dude from the New York Times has to say about the game:

"Isner is gritting his teeth now when he serves. Mahut makes him play, and Isner again slows his service motion. Somehow Isner guts out a hold. Just when he looks like he's going to collapse, he comes up with a big serve or forehand. Here's a stunning fact. Over the course of 5 sets and 9 plus hours of play, there's been only one service break!"

You think tennis would understand the concept of a tie and maybe have rules to prevent this sort of thing. Turns out they don't.