How The Tea Party Can Update It's Image To Be Like Way Cooler

I was watching critically-acclaimed, most-boring-morning-show-ever Fox & Friends this morning when I came across a realization. Not a very original realization but a realization none the less. The Tea Party look like a bunch of idiots! They are so not in touch with my generation. Come on, The Tea Party has 3,632 twitter followers. Barack Obama has 5,474,656 followers. See the difference? Lame. I don’t look at anybody’s Twitter with less than 5,000 followers. The Tea Party look like a bunch of redneck hicks. Not hip at all! Totally lame! However. I then came across another realization- the Tea Party have a lot of money. Like, a lot. So, this is my pitch to the Tea Party on how they can reach a younger audience.

1. Website design. Man. This website is so boring.

Fiscal responsibility. Yawn. I don't know what that is? And you know what? I don't care. I'm sure it's real and important blah blah blah. Whatever. Barack Obama got elected because he said change 1,000 times. I understand change. Change is catchy and easy to read. Fiscal responsibility. Bo-ring. My mom pays my cell phone bill, okay?
New Proposed Website Design:

Look at that! Wow! I am so interested! That's what I'm talking about! This is the Kanye West website but I think it'd be perfect for the Tea Party website. First off, there's a video of Kanye West carrying an unconscious girl from a huge explosion. An explosion! Sweet! See, for the Tea Party website maybe it could be Glenn Beck carrying an unconscious girl from a big explosion? Yeah? Also, there is a link for me to listen to a Justin Bieber song. I. Love. Justin. Bieber. And so does the rest of young America! Have you considered having Justin Bieber write a song for the Tea Party. Maybe a song for the Tea Party about fiscal responsibility? Maybe I'd think fiscal responsibility was less boring if it was a Justin Bieber song. This website is something that my generation understands, and maybe we'd think the Tea Party was a little bit... cooler if they emulated it.

2. Spokespeople

Okay. Do you really expect me to identify with this guy? Do you see what he's wearing?? Why would that man steal the American Flag from my lawn and drape it around his body. What is with the yellow and white baseball hat? He sort of looks like someone who would set my cat on fire and then make it into a lamp. Don't ask me how he would do it he just would.
New Spokesperson:

That’s right. Spokespeople! A tag team spokesperson team. First we have Justin Bieber, singer of the hugely popular fiscal responsibility song. Then we have, rap superstar- Drake. Drake can help bring in the black vote- which really, you’re lacking. If there’s one thing that my generation has taught the world. It’s that young black people are much, much cooler than old, white people. And old white people make up 100% of the Tea Party. Just think of the campaign Drake can start: “Last Name- Party, First name- Tea!” We could extend it into an LP. The Tea Party Mix Tape. It’d be huge. Huge! So throw out Glenn Beck/Sarah Palin and bring in Bieber/Drake.

That’s just a few of the ideas in my 3,556 page proposal on how to update the Tea party’s image to reach a younger audience. So, Tea Party, it’s time to hire me. Their Twitter followers would skyrocket. The Tea Party will explode all over pop culture just like Jersey Shore (some product placement, guys?). So, e-mail me at katemshapiro@gmail.com. My going rate is 10,000 dollars an hour.