Unfortunately. Unfortunately I know what a Na'vi is. Avatar is actually not a good movie. It's like Pocahontas except no good songs, just Sigourney Weaver coughing. That being said, lets pretend for a moment that Avatar was real. That it wasn't just Hollywood pizzazz and expensive CGI but a real story that happened. Lets put on our imagination caps for a moment and just... wonder...
1. The Na'vi form of intercourse (art by CaitRaft) is to intertwine the hair follicles on their tail with the hair follicles of their partner's tail in the middle of the forest. I'm fine with that. Do what you have to do- you can't help your anatomy. However, the Na'vi also connect their tails to the tails of horses and birds when they want to get around the forest. So, either one of two things are happening here. One: Getting laid is the equivalent to driving a car and the Na'vi derive no pleasure from it which BORING or two: The Na'vi are just fucking horses and birds all the time. What if you had to fuck horses to make them go? I mean, it's an idea but is it not against some sort of collective Na'vi conscious? You'd think a people so ingrained in the "spirit of the forest" and all that bullshit wouldn't go around raping animals in order to domesticate them. Maybe it's just a human thing- that rape is bad? Maybe that's it? Maybe we should go out of our way to understand this people and their culture? Maybe this dialogue will happen and everything will be okay:
Human: Why do you have sex with animals when you want to use them as a means to transportation?
Na'vi: Why do you watch football, huh? Ever thought of that? You ignorant fuck.
Human: Well... I never thought of it that way. You're RIGHT.
(Human and Na'vi hold hands and skip.)
Maybe the Na'vi/Horse intercourse isn't rape and actually consensual. Then you've opened a whole NEW can of worms there. What kind of STDs are running rampant if Na'vi's are fucking horses and flying dragons JUST TO GET BY? Just to get from a mountain to the spirit tree? I'm not 100% on this, but is it not a rumor that humans got AIDS from fucking monkeys? Maybe we should tell the Na'vi that?? Warn them?? Spread the AIDS knowledge? Now I'm just spitballing but maybe this is the human plan all along to cut down their forest? Infect them with Na'vi AIDS and just let them die off themselves? Much cheaper than waging war or hiring Sigourney Weaver to make Na'vi clones. Pretty heartless if you ask me but those pesky humans love their Unobtanium, am I right?
2. Na'vi, aside from the rape issue I'm pretty okay with letting natural selection weed you out. In what universe did you think it was a good idea to make friends with the rogue agents sent in bodies that look like yours in order to "learn your culture." First off, I don't know if you've heard of this concept- it's a human concept- but typically when you dress up as a member of a hostile culture in order to learn more about them it's called being a spy. Spies aren't good. You don't want spies infiltrating your culture. However Na'vi, instead of killing this spy you let him fuck your women and learn your secrets. Who's idea was that? "Hey tribe, lets teach this man who works for tour bitter enemies learn all our secrets. Cool. Good idea. I think that's lunch." I don't understand how the Na'vi believe humans would understand their hokey tree religion. Humans HATE trees. Isn't that OBVIOUS by now seeing as humans cut down half of the forests on your Godforsaken planet? I guess not. I guess the Na'vi still think they can make friends with the humans. Na'vi, let me tell you a little story about a people called the Native American Indians. The Native American Indians had forests too, and homes, and a hokey tree religions. They had all the things you have, Na'vi, and you know what happened to them? They died. Or were forced into Oklahoma and became alcoholics. And that was about CORN not a gasoline substitute. So, basically Na'vi, your options are be killed or sent to Oklahoma. Slim pickings. However, that looks to be the direction you're heading in though due to your lack of cunning and technology. The humans have iPads, Na'vi, what do you have? Rapemobiles? You deserve to have your spirit tree bulldozed by Giovanni Ribisi. Also: Fuck you for the apostrophe in the middle of your species name. Fuck you for that.
Lastly, is this whole Avatar concept just a little bit racist, or is that just me?
Just me. Okay. Good job, guys. I think that's lunch.
P.S. Since Avatar is just like Earth with a blue color scheme, do you think the Na'vi watch movies that are just like their culture except with a human flesh color scheme. BLEW YOUR MIND.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete