Letter From Dead Kurt Cobain

Hey guys! I found this letter from dead Kurt Cobain in a heroin induced ramble in the woods last night! Check it out!

Dear World,

Kurt Cobain here. So, now that I am walking amongst the dead, I have had lots of time on my hands to watch the world change. Lots of time. And I have come to the conclusion that shooting myself in the head with a shotgun in 1994 was the best decision I could have possibly made. You fucking guys. Where do I start? I'll try my best to narrow it down to the crux of the issue. The real core of why the world has turned into such a shitstained asshole.

1. I just read that Jared Leto put a video on the internet where he plays acoustic guitar dressed up like me. The fucking internet. Who's idea was it to provide an inexhaustible outlet for douchebags like Jared Leto to post whatever the fuck "art" he wants? Who's idea was that? Seriously. Because that person should be dragged into the street and shot. He should be dragged into the street, shot and his dead corpse should be fucked by fourteen guys named Chad. Do you think I care what some thirteen year-old rich, white girl has to say about the Mercedes Benz she got for her Bat Mitzvah? No. I can honestly say I don't give a shit about that. You guys, however, have that shit thrown in your face all the time. I would pity you if it wasn't your fucking fault anyway for creating YouTube.

2. Kings of Leon. I would say roughly 12% of the reason I killed myself was because of the Counting Crows. But even Adam Duritz can't top the banality of evil that has been perpetrated on the world by Kings of Leon. I just don't understand how society let this band exist. If I came back to life my first order of business would probably be to murder all four members of Kings of Leon. The only hitch with that plan is that if I killed all four members of Kings of Leon they would most-likely become martyrological figures and probably get some statue in the White House. If there is one thing we can't have, it's a Kings of Leon cult following for decades to come. I never want to hear "Kings of Leon, man, fuckin' tragedy." Never do I want to hear that. Not just Kings of Leon but the general state of music these days is atrotious. I can forgive what Green Day has done because I too know what it is like to be seduced by the mistress that is fame and fortune. I too know the perils of being on the cover of Rolling Stone. However, I can not and will not ever forgive Kings of Leon for what they did to music. They should be sent to the Hague and immediately tried for crimes against humanity. After that we'll hold trials for Nickelback, Mumford & Sons, Papa Roach and Fred Durst.

P.S. Can somebody tell me what exactly makes LCD Soundsystem at all interesting?

3. Gus Van Sant, you think you're really fucking cool don't you? You think you understand the state of the world. Pan in slow on a heroin needle dripping with the blood of infants because it shows the nature of hypocracy in the big business world of police corruption. Go fuck yourself, Gus Van Sant. Every single one of his movies has the same goddamn plot. It's like a mad-libs filled in with shitty social commentary. When (enter downtrodden protagonist here) goes to (enter corrupted union here) he begins a (enter grassroots revolution here) and falls in love with (enter controversial love interest here) and when his efforts are thwarted by (drugs/big business antagonist/abusive father) he thinks he meets his downfall (enter twist/stupid ending here/pretentious artistic longshot here). When does it stop? When does this vicious circle get a knife in the cranium? When will the time come where people stop giving this guy money and start giving him punches in the face? First he makes that terrible Psycho remake that basically raped Alfred Hitchcock's eyesocket, then the egregious asshole has the audacity to make a movie about me. You don't know anything about my life, Gus Van Sant. How dare you reduce a human's life into a piece of shit like Last Days.Tell me, what is it you have against me that makes you want to make such a shitty movie about me? What did I ever do to you? Did I fuck your mom? Did I kill your dog? What is it that I did that offended you so much that you had to make that movie? Go back to painting pictures of sidewalks and writing poetry about pigeons slowly dying and leave us all alone. If I could, for a moment, appeal to the masses here: somebody take a dump on Gus Van Sant's chest. Somebody go out, eat four entrees from PF Changs and just let loose all over Gus Van Sant. Please. For the love of God.

Think about what I've said, 2011. These are hard times you live in. Do something about it. Change the world. Basically what I'm saying is get a drug addiction.

Sincerely,
Kurt

P.S. Dave Grohl. Dude. Dude.