Investigative Report On The Wizarding World.

Upon first glance it's easy to detect what the downfall of the Harry Potter Wizarding World was- Voldemort, of course. An evil, tyrannical psychopath has a destructive effect on a civilization. However, once you probe deeper into the inner-workings of such a clandestine society like the magical world in Great Britain you begin to see the complex latticework that allowed one random nose-less dude to reek havoc upon millions (Thousands? Hundreds? Everyone seems to know each other in the wizarding world. Do they have a Census? I doubt it.)

I'd like to begin this analysis by stating that the Wizarding World has put themselves on a higher plane than what they like to call "muggles" or non-magical beings. No magic?! People who use cars! Hah! And Cell Phones! What?? They don't even use wands. It's astounding to wizards that since we tiny folk can't use magic we have to resort to using airplanes to get from place to place (instead of popping into or out of existence whenever we pleased), or actually developing a practical currency (massive circular discs of gold is not a practical currency. What is your economy based on anyway, Wizards? Is it free market? It seems like all of your economic growth stems from a single street of shops in London. Most of which serve exclusively candy and ice cream). All of these things make these so called wizards feel better than their non-magical counterparts. The word Muggle even has a hard "g" sound which makes it sound a lot like "niggers" or "faggots" which happen to be racial slurs, if you didn't know. Even the wizards who find it in the goodness of their hearts to take pity upon we lower beings and shower us with kindness are still acting out segregation (keeping your existence a secret from the rest of the world = segregation) and discrimination. Not only that but they look at non-magical beings with a gross fascination (Muggle Artifacts Office. Case in point.) While the more conservative wizards actively punish muggles, calling them "mudbloods" and torturing them and so on and so forth, non-radical wizards just treat muggles as a cause much like the ASPCA. Sad, unwanted, pityable albeit cute creatures who once in a blue moon they'll adopt.

How very kind of you, wizards! I know, it sucks so much that I actually have to get up and get the remote instead of flicking my wrist and having it levitate towards me. Oh, wait, you guys don't have TV, do you? Bummer. There is one thing, however, that we muggles have figured out (albeit through trial and error) that you fancy wizarding types can't seem to grasp which results in your entire society living in constant fear of a terrible and gruesome death. Democracy. Yes, wizards, this is something you lack.

Let's talk about the Ministry of Magic. The entirety of the Britain magical world is run by a bureaucracy that is duly-appointed by a small group of rich aristocrats. Ministers of Magic do not get elected, they get appointed. This Ministry is formed of several departments, each strictly regulating how a wizard or witch goes about living their life. There's a department in this ministry that's sole purpose is to monitor your fireplace. The fireplace in your private home. As if that's not enough they put a trace on your child so they can monitor their activity too. And The Department of Mysteries? That department exists solely for keeping secrets from the general public. At least in America we try to hide we have one of those. Any sort of legal system in place in the wizarding world is run- for the most part- by biased elderly rich men, and then the Ministry needs to hire employees (with who's money? Taxpayer money? Who on Earth would pay taxes if every time a auditor came by you could pop out of the country?) to make sure their entire existence is kept secret, and if someone breaks that they need to pay the consequences and possibly go to prison.

Ah, the Prison System. The prison in the Magical World is on a small island and it's called Azkaban. Sounds like Alcatraz right??? Oh, yeah, except in our prisons we don't employ phantom guards that suck out the happiness of everyone imprisoned. That sounds like a violation of human rights to me. Let's put aside things like the Death Penalty for a second and examine the fact that if you waterboard a prisoner in the muggle world, for even a few minutes, it's a crime worthy of the Hague? However, in the Wizarding World nobody seems to question that the Prisons are guarded by demons, who suck your soul out through your mouth. Not only that but they have flimsy allegiances! At any second they may be release everyone from prison and join the enemy.

The enemy. Evil Lord Voldemort. Could this sad, evil, monster perhaps be a product of the flawed, undemocratic bureaucracy that brought him up? The Wizarding World: An elitist society with an absolute leader and a clear intelligentsia. How is it that a violent reactionary could POSSIBLY arise from that sort of society? Wow. Gosh, you know, this is beginning to sound a lot like Russia. You know what happened to Russia? They revolted and half their population died. Furthermore, for the better part of a century Russia was led under fascist, virtual martial law. Gosh, Wizarding World, sounds exactly like what happened to you. I wish there was a group of teenagers who would have killed Joseph Stalin before he could kill 35.5 million Russians. I guess everyone isn't as lucky as you.

Perhaps, Wizarding World, you should get off your magical high horse and really take a look at yourselves. Perhaps, all these angry, radical terrorists that seem to crop up in the thousands are a reaction to the undemocratic, pretentious and unforgiving society you have put in place. I'm sure if you read this investigative piece of journalism you will just think "Oh. Poor Muggle. She doesn't understand anything! She can't even do magic! How pitiable!" Poor us. Poor Muggles. Yeah. Well. Listen up, dickwads, how about we drop a nuke all over Hogsmeade and we'll see what you do with your wands then.

Perhaps if for some reason the Wizarding World dropped their (basically) government run news publications and actually produced some worthwhile bipartisan journalism my words would reach someone. Perhaps if the best investigative journalist of your times wasn't Rita Skeeter (ours isn't Kitty Kelly, Jesus, get a journalism school, Wizards) and perhaps if the only alternative media source, The Quibbler, wasn't written by a veritable crazy person (and probable drug addict) this piece of journalism would matter. Maybe, if this was a piece of investigative journalism in the 60s maybe I could have done something, but now. Now. Drunk with power after destroying evil by recruiting children to do your dirty work, my words are just dust in the wind.